I really wish I knew why Caleb loves to cut his own hair. I just feel like he's old enough to look in the mirror and SEE that when he does this to himself, it looks ridiculous. Self inflicted hair cuts started for Caleb before kindergarten started. He figured if he cut his own hair and made himself look insane enough, he wouldn't have to go. But BEHOLD! He had to go anyway. In reality, Caleb has been cutting his own hair since his little hands were coordinated enough to manipulate a pair of scissors. I thought I had found a solution when Grandma just started shaving his head. But then my yahoo cotton farmer lover told me Caleb looked like he just came straight from the Holocaust and every time I looked at my son after that, I felt like I should apologize to him for his grotesque appearance. So taking the advice from a not so fashion savvy farmer, I went ahead and stopped having Caleb's head shaved and told him, "Bubba, do NOT cut your own hair. It looks horrible when you do that. If you cut your own hair you're going to be in trouble." I reminded Makayla to keep her scissors picked up but we have tons of scissors in this house because Makayla is an artist and I can't open packages by hand without injuring myself. The other day I went into the kids' bathroom to start their baths and I saw clumps of brown hair all in the sink and on the floor...and a pair of purple handled scissors strategically hidden under a wad of toilet paper on the side of the sink. I went in search of Caleb, hoping, HOPING he had cut the hair off of one of Makayla's dolls but I found him hiding in his sisters closet with a scarf over his head.
"Get out of there and take that scarf off," I told him.
"No," he said back.
I gave him a mother look because he isn't allowed to say no and he came out of the closet but clung to the scarf.
"You cut your hair," I told him, "I saw it in the bathroom. Let me see."
He feigned a confused look and then his eyes lit up like he had JUST now remembered that he butchered his hair.
"Oh YEAH!" he exclaimed, "I DID cut my hair! But it was like, forever ago that I did that. It probably growed back by now."
"You cut your hair within the last fifteen minutes," I told him, "I don't think it's grown back by now. And it looks like you cut a lot of it. Let me see."
"I think I am just shy today," he said.
I yanked the scarf off his head and rolled my eyes. He had four large bald spots on various parts of his head. It looked like he had shaved them.
"How do you even cut your hair SO short?" I asked him, "This looks crazy. I can't cover that up."
He went from sweet to defiant and roared, "Well I LOVE it and it's MY hair so THERE you mean mother."
"And you're MY son and you have to follow MY rules and you are in VERY serious trouble for cutting your hair," I told him. I spanked his butt and made him clean his hair out of the sink. Then I put him in front of the mirror and showed him just how silly his hair looked but he just grinned at his bald spots proudly and asked if he could make "just a tiny other spot" on the side where he forgot to cut his hair. Blasted boy. Blasted bald spots. I'm really ready for him to outgrow this hair cutting stage. I feel like I have to explain to people that he isn't diseased and that I don't have his hair cut like this on purpose. After school this afternoon, as we drove home, I caught Makayla in the review mirror just looking at him, shaking her head.
"Makayla, that isn't very nice," I said, "why are you looking at your brother like that?"
She looked at me with a "duh" look and said, "Mommy. Just LOOK at him. Look at his HAIR. It's embarrassing."
Before I could say anything Caleb said, "I LOVE myself so THERE."
So there.
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