This Blasted Boy Child

I really wish I knew why Caleb loves to cut his own hair.  I just feel like he's old enough to look in the mirror and SEE that when he does this to himself, it looks ridiculous.  Self inflicted hair cuts started for Caleb before kindergarten started.  He figured if he cut his own hair and made himself look insane enough, he wouldn't have to go.  But BEHOLD!  He had to go anyway.  In reality, Caleb has been cutting his own hair since his little hands were coordinated enough to manipulate a pair of scissors.  I thought I had found a solution when Grandma just started shaving his head.  But then my yahoo cotton farmer lover told me Caleb looked like he just came straight from the Holocaust and every time I looked at my son after that, I felt like I should apologize to him for his grotesque appearance.  So taking the advice from a not so fashion savvy farmer, I went ahead and stopped having Caleb's head shaved and told him, "Bubba, do NOT cut your own hair.  It looks horrible when you do that.  If you cut your own hair you're going to be in trouble."  I reminded Makayla to keep her scissors picked up but we have tons of scissors in this house because Makayla is an artist and I can't open packages by hand without injuring myself.  The other day I went into the kids' bathroom to start their baths and I saw clumps of brown hair all in the sink and on the floor...and a pair of purple handled scissors strategically hidden under a wad of toilet paper on the side of the sink.  I went in search of Caleb, hoping, HOPING he had cut the hair off of one of Makayla's dolls but I found him hiding in his sisters closet with a scarf over his head.
"Get out of there and take that scarf off," I told him.
"No," he said back.
I gave him a mother look because he isn't allowed to say no and he came out of the closet but clung to the scarf.
"You cut your hair," I told him, "I saw it in the bathroom.  Let me see."
He feigned a confused look and then his eyes lit up like he had JUST now remembered that he butchered his hair.
"Oh YEAH!" he exclaimed, "I DID cut my hair!  But it was like, forever ago that I did that.  It probably growed back by now."
"You cut your hair within the last fifteen minutes," I told him, "I don't think it's grown back by now.  And it looks like you cut a lot of it.  Let me see."
"I think I am just shy today," he said.
I yanked the scarf off his head and rolled my eyes.  He had four large bald spots on various parts of his head.  It looked like he had shaved them.
"How do you even cut your hair SO short?" I asked him, "This looks crazy.  I can't cover that up."
He went from sweet to defiant and roared, "Well I LOVE it and it's MY hair so THERE you mean mother."
"And you're MY son and you have to follow MY rules and you are in VERY serious trouble for cutting your hair," I told him.  I spanked his butt and made him clean his hair out of the sink.  Then I put him in front of the mirror and showed him just how silly his hair looked but he just grinned at his bald spots proudly and asked if he could make "just a tiny other spot" on the side where he forgot to cut his hair.  Blasted boy.  Blasted bald spots.  I'm really ready for him to outgrow this hair cutting stage.  I feel like I have to explain to people that he isn't diseased and that I don't have his hair cut like this on purpose.  After school this afternoon, as we drove home, I caught Makayla in the review mirror just looking at him, shaking her head.
"Makayla, that isn't very nice," I said, "why are you looking at your brother like that?"
She looked at me with a "duh" look and said, "Mommy.  Just LOOK at him.  Look at his HAIR.  It's embarrassing."
Before I could say anything Caleb said, "I LOVE myself so THERE."
So there.

United Disaster

          So, I was minding my own business, herding my children to the car in the United Parking lot when an alarming sight caught my eye: a man who was probably in his seventies was putting his cart back up after unloading his groceries, and as he turned to walk back to his car after putting the cart up, he tripped over the wheel of the cart.  He stumbled pretty hard before falling even harder and I gasped, “Oh my goodness!” and instructed my children to get off to the side of the road and ran over to help the feller.  He was having trouble getting up and I was figuring he probably had a broken hip or something.  When I got to him I got down on my knees and was in such a hurry to get on his level and inspect him that I busted my left kneecap on the road.  I asked him frantically, “Hey, are you alright?  Can you move?  Does anything hurt?”

“My pride’s a little busted,” he said as I helped him into a sitting position.  By then others were coming over the help and at the site of his scraped forearms and how he was shaking I started crying.  I was helped him stand up as others asked if he was OK and when he was on his feet steadily again he handed me a hankie.

“I’m OK, no need for all that,” he said and I thanked him for the hankie, “I’m not hurt at all,” he told the ladies who were fussing over him, “if that’s what it takes to get a bunch of pretty girls to fuss over me I should fall down more often.”  I blew my nose in his hankie and then wondered if I should have done that.  I doubted he wanted a snotty hankie back.  His wife might want to know what on earth he’d been up to if he came home with a make-up smeared, snotty hankie.  I kind of held it in a position where he could snatch it back if he wanted but he seemed in a pretty big hurry to get out of there.  I think he was embarrassed.  I was horrified that his arm was bleeding and felt like I shouldn’t let him leave without helping him but he assured me he had a wife who would doctor him.  Then he pointed to my bleeding knee and said I needed to take care of my own self.  I’ve had plenty of battle scars in my day but this was my first one obtained during a rescue mission.  He went to his vehicle and I went to my own vehicle.  Then with a start, I realized I was forgetting my children and went back to retrieve them.  I apologized for nearly forgetting them in public and Makayla was horrified that the man had fallen and that my knee was bleeding.

“Mommy, was he hurt?  Is he going to the doctor?  Does your knee hurt?” she asked.

“He was more embarrassed than anything, I think,” I said, “And my knee doesn’t hurt at all.”

“That man could have kidnapped you mommy,” Caleb said, “I thought he was going to kill you.  I would beat him up if he to.”

“Bubba, that old man wasn’t going to kill Mommy,” Makayla mused, “Did you see how old he was?  He could barely even walk.  And when he did walk he fell down.  Mommy was just helping him because he couldn’t get up.  No one could kidnap mommy anyway.  Look how big she is.”

I gave her a look and said, “No one is going to get kidnapped, the man is fine, and I’m sorry y’all were scared.  Sheesh.  Let’s go home.”

And that is what happened last night.

Update on...Stuff!

Aaaahhh, the wonderful world of blogging.  I have neglected informing various friends and family what I’ve been up to through this blog.  I typically update everyone through frantic text messages in the middle of whatever catastrophe I’ve managed to get myself into.  It’s time for a regular blog update though and I will try to keep up with this thing a little better. 

Pregnancy Update:  Max was born August 28, 2012 and weighed seven pounds and fourteen ounces.  His birth was very smooth and I went home less than seven hours later.  When he was a few hours old his mom was feeding him and he began turning very blue.  He was rushed to the NICU and that was very scary.  His mom and dad rushed to the NICU with all the nurses and Max and I sat in the hospital bed trembling and crying, thinking they were going to come back and tell me he was dead.  I won’t get into the specifics of the story because I figure since he has been adopted, it’s not really appropriate for me to tell personal details about all this but long story short, he was fine, just had some trouble with his sucking reflex and breathing while swallowing.  He is totally precious.  Makayla and Caleb think he’s so cute and Caleb especially liked holding him.  The adoption is open so there will be many more updates on Max to come.  I spoke with his mother yesterday and she said he is a bottomless pit. 

Children Update:  These children of mine are larger than life and amazing as they have always been.  Makayla just started second grade and Caleb just started kindergarten.  Makayla has always loved school and she was excited to go to second grade.  Caleb told me all summer he wasn’t going to kindergarten unless I went with him and stayed all day so naturally I was worried sick when he did start.  Luckily the second he entered the kindergarten room, he saw all the other kids and his very own desk and didn’t even remember I was there.  Now every day when he comes home from school he says he wishes he could just go back to school once we get home.  Kind of hurts my feelings but I’m glad he likes school so much.  Both of the kids are determined to go to Midnight Madness in May.  Caleb has to read 200 AR books and pass the tests on them to go and Makayla has to read 100,000 words to go.  They’re both working hard already.  Well, for Makayla it isn’t really hard work; she loves to read anyway.  Caleb isn’t as big of a fan but if I sit with him then he does OK.  He really wants to do Midnight Madness with Makayla so that’s what his little mind is on.  They’ve both made some good friends here in Abilene both at school and in the neighborhood.  I’m working on my unholy fear that they will be snatched by a child predator and have recently began letting them play outside while I sit on the porch.  Typically in the past I would have followed them everywhere on foot.  Now, as long as I can see them playing in the green belt across the street, I don’t run after them.  Caleb has started playing football with the neighborhood boys and Makayla and the girls climb trees and play chase or just sit on the grass and watch their brothers.  I like that the kids are playing with other kids and playing outside. 

Love Life Update:  I’m becoming highly suspicious that the future Mr. Hallford is avoiding me because I haven’t found him yet though I’ve encountered plenty of yahoos that will make me appreciate him when he finally decides to reveal himself.

Since I became pregnant with Max, I moved to Abilene and got much more focused on the kids and settling down.  Running around Lubbock like a feral animal with all my friends was fun and I made some amazing memories but I’m ready for a calmer, more family oriented way of life.  It took me a couple of years to outgrow the constant running around but now that I have, I am glad for those fun years but ready for a new kind of fun.  I’m totally bored with dating superficial yahoos, going out to party, hanging out with people who mostly just annoy me.  I’m pretty into hanging out with the kiddos, doing my school stuff, and making sure our lives are simple and happy.  I still get into catastrophes but they aren’t as ridiculous as before; mostly just outrageous speeding tickets and getting in trouble at the library for spilling my soda.  I plan on keeping up with this silly blog a little better and hopefully someday I will be writing about the power and wealth I have stumbled into.  Deuces!