It seems like just yesterday I was blogging about the world’s cuddliest, clingiest, boob sucking baby on the planet. After giving birth to Caleb, which felt more like giving birth to a planet, I was shocked to find my newborn was a polar opposite of his sister. In my naivety, even though I’ve heard “all babies are different,” I still wasn’t prepared for the boy child I had created. Makayla had slept through the night at four weeks, rarely cried, took to boob feeding immediately, could be left in a play pen without freaking out, slept in her own crib since she was born, and was incredibly agreeable and cheerful. Her birth was also pain free and simple. Caleb’s birth was the most horrifying and traumatic experience I have ever endured and he pretty much screamed non-stop until he was eighteen months old. He was colicky, had an anal fisher, constantly constipated, had trouble breastfeeding at first, and HATED to be put down for even a moment. He started growing teeth at two months old and nothing could console him. For that first year, I was up with him various times throughout the night, rocking him, trying to un-plug his poo, rubbing stuff on his gums, offering him boobs, anything to get him to calm down. I look back on it now and am actually proud of my twenty and twenty-one year old self for the patience I had. While it drove me crazy, I loved Caleb with all my heart and was more worried that he was uncomfortable or in pain to really get frustrated. We were in the Doctor’s office constantly, him putting me on weird diets in case his chronic constipation was caused by something I was eating, and giving Caleb new medicine’s to try for his anal fisher and hard time pooping. When Caleb would poop, Makayla reacted as if he had just presented us with jewels and hoards of cash, not a blow out. We would get so excited and tell him what a genius he was as he blasted waste everywhere. He refused to sleep alone until he was about three. When he was about fifteen months old, my sister Amber and I vowed, no matter how much he cried, (a hard task for me since I don’t do the cry-it-out method) to make him stay in his crib the entire night. He cried for a good hour and I had to go sit outside because it upset me so badly. Amber came and got me and said, “Well, there’s good news and there’s bad news.”
“He’s OK, isn’t he?” I asked in a slight panic.
“Calm down,” she said, “The good news is that he’s not crying. The bad news is that he’s just sitting up in bed.”
“He’ll get tired and go to sleep,” I told her.
For the next few hours, we’d peek in on Caleb, and see him sitting in his crib. His head would bob forward as he nodded of and then he’d yank it back up, wail for a few minutes, and start it all over again.
“Should I go lay him down?” she asked.
“He’ll freak out,” I told her.
She tried anyway. We knew if I lied him down it would be ten times worse so she went in, lied him down, and cooed at him that we lie down to go to sleep, not sit up. He did in fact, freak out, reached his arms out for her, and shriek. For another hour. Then he went back to bobbing his head and snapping himself awake. He did this until three in the morning. By then, Amber had gone to bed and I felt horrible and thought maybe if I slept on the floor by his crib it would help. Yeah right. He freaked out at the very sight of me and when I lied by his crib, he reached his little arms through the bars and the look on his face got me. So I took him to bed with me and figured, “It’s not like he’ll still be sleeping with me when he’s in high school.”
He screamed if I put him down to vacuum or do dishes. He screamed if I put him down to fold laundry or put it up. He even screamed if I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom so I learned to just take him with me. Rookie mistakes. I should have just let him cry because my behavior was only making it worse but I wasn’t used to it and it crushed me any time he cried. My family and friends made it very clear that I was spoiling him and that it wouldn’t kill him to cry. They told me he didn’t act like that at all when I wasn’t around. When Caleb was about sixteen months old, he was staying with my grandparents for a night and was crying and Grandpa had him in bed trying to calm him down. After a while of crying, my Grandma went into the room, looked at Caleb and said in a firm voice, “That is ENOUGH.” Caleb looked at her and shut up immediately.
I gaze at my now three year old (well, he’ll be four in a few days) and marvel at how different he is now. Caleb was a late walker and an extremely late talker. He didn’t actually talk until he was nearly three. It’s hard for me to forget the baby Caleb since his baby hood was such a huge part of all of our lives. I marvel at him and have been documenting all of the adorable things he says:
On our way to the pond…
Caleb: “I HATE those black birds.”
Me: “Bubba, say you do not LIKE those black birds. I do not like the word hate.”
Caleb: “You do not want to let me say that word, Mommy?”
Me: “No, you are not allowed to say you hate something; say you don’t like it.”
Caleb: “Well, I would be happy if you would let me say it.”
Me: “Well, it makes me sad when you say it.”
Caleb: “Then I guess I won’t say it then.”
“Well, I guess we have to go to bed since the wind blowed the sun to his own bed.”
“I wish I had a lot of friends. But I don’t have a lot of friends. All I have is you.”
I explained to Caleb that Uncle Shoni had died because his heart stopped beating and we need our heart to beat to live and Caleb said, “Well, who beat up his heart then?”
Seeing a picture of Grandpa on my nightstand: “That is my Paw Paw. And Maw Maw is his daughter. And Paw Paw sounds like an earthquake or sumpthin’ when he says stuff to me.”
“Look at all those ELEPHANTS!” pointing to a herd of cows.
“Mommy, we are not friends because I am your son. That means you are my sister like my sister.”
“Well, I’m not eating these yucky STUFFS because I am a little boss.” Talking about his veggies.
“I have to hold onto your hand or I will get runned over by a car and be dead. Sister told me that and when you’re dead you get to go to Heaven and play football. Is Heaven where Ironman lives?”
“I like Fruit Salad Yummy Yummy but if I get to make Fruit Salad Yummy Yummy I would just eat blocks.”
Me: “Smell that flower for me, Bubba.”
Caleb smells.
Me: “What do flowers smell like?”
Caleb: “Plants.”
Me: “So if you feel the hot in your nose is that the same thing as smelling the sun?”
Caleb: “What did you just say? The sun is up there. You can’t smell him, Mommy.”
“I don’t have a brain and you keep telling me my brain makes me smart and I can’t see my brain. So if it’s in my head how do I find it?”
“I like dinner. I like dinner but I like my sister more than dinner cuz she brings me cheese when you’re in your room.”
Caleb: “Can I wear a dress like sister?”
Me: “Why do you want to?”
Makayla: “Boys can’t wear dresses!”
Me: “If girls can be Ironman, boys can wear dresses if they want to. Caleb, why do you want to wear a dress?”
Caleb: “To be pretty. Can I wear some pretty shoes too?”
Caleb: “You let sister play in your make-up and I want to wear it too.”
Me: “OK. But let me do it for you.”
Caleb: “Sister gets to do it by herself.”
Me: “You are a lot littler than Sister and you might make a mess.”
Makayla: “Mommy, you are confusing him.”
Me: “Why?”
Makayla: “Because when I was three, you let me do it my own self so it’s not fair that you don’t let him.”
“You can put me in the corner but don’t tell my Daddy I was being mean to you.”
Caleb: “Did you give me ice cream when I was a baby?”
Me: “No. You drank milk.”
Caleb: “Did I have a bottle or a cup?”
Makayla (before I could intervene): “You ate out of Mommy’s boobs.”
Caleb: “I did not do that! And I wasn’t even a baby anyway!”
Makayla: “Bubba, did you know that I actually remember when you were in Mommy’s tummy? You made her tummy really big and I could feel you moving in there.”
Caleb: “Mommy ATE me?”
“When I grow up I want to work at McDonald’s because I like onions.”
“Girls can be Ironman too because I’m not allowed to be sexy.” Caleb told Makayla only boys could be Ironman and I told him not to be sexist because girls can be Ironman too.
Makayla: “When I grow up, I am going to marry someone like Matt because he is just really sweet. Who will you marry, Bubba?”
Caleb: “Ironman. He’s really handsome. Or maybe Spiderman. I would kiss them.”
Makayla: “Is he gay, Mommy?”
Me: “I have no idea. You can’t really tell if someone is gay until they’re older. If he is, so what?”
Makayla: “Well, what if he kisses a boy?”
Me: “Ironman and Spiderman are the things he likes on TV. When you were his age you said you were going to marry me. He doesn’t understand what it means to be married. And if he wants to kiss boys, it’s not like he can help it. Being gay isn’t a choice, you know.”
Caleb: “I kiss boys when I want to!”
Makayla: “You don’t want to kiss girls?”
Caleb: “Only you and Mommy.”
Makayla: “Mommy, I think he might be gay.”
Me: “We’ll talk about this later.”
“I am not going to my birthday party if you don’t make me some meatloaf.”
Me: “Bubba, why do you like the Barbie’s more than you like your cars?”
Caleb: “Because cars don’t have hair.”
“I had to make this tattoo on me so I’ll stop being a kitty.”
“Your hand makes my hand all yucky and why does it do that Mommy? I want to know.”
“I am going to tell God to make you get me a watermelon.”
“If I drived a car up into the air it wouldn’t even be a car right Mommy? Because I would be driving in a airplane.”
“If Sister gets to pick the book tonight then I’m going to live in the garage and I’m bringing the mailbox in there with me!”
“If I flied off the trees I wouldn’t even fly like a bird because I don’t eat those yucky BUGS.”
“Mommy if anyone is ever mean to you I will beat them up and throw them in the beach. Would you spank my butt for that?”
Caleb: “Mommy loves me more than you because I am her son and you aren’t Mommy’s son because you’re Sister.”
Makayla: “Bubba, you are Mommy’s son and I am her daughter and Mommy loves us both the same.”
Caleb: “Well, at least I get to be the sun then. What are you anyway if I’m the sun, like a cloud or sumpthin’?”
Me: “Caleb, calm down.”
Caleb: “How much down do you want me to go?” as he squatted as low as he could go.
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