Let me tell y'all something about the yahoos in public around this time a year: they're idiots. I went to Toys R Us in my mad attempt to find the zhu zhu paraphernalia Makayla's pining over and some Iron Man stuff for Caleb. Upon entering the store, I was immediately alarmed at the herd of cranky adults yelling and glaring at each other as they furiously stuffed crap into baskets for their children. I braced myself for the possibility of being physically or sexually assaulted and started roaming around, looking for the stuff I needed. The zhu zhu aisle was insane. People were clamoring over each other and not respecting personal bubble space at all. While the castle thing Makayla wanted for her zhu zhu's was totally out of stock, I still saw some zhu zhu stuff that I didn't think she had yet acquired. I tried not to let the people around me get on my nerves but my personal bubble space was being seriously threatened and I considered feigning a horrifying illness. I mock coughed a few times but no one noticed. I hacked and no one cared. Whatever. I would just be looking at toys while practically having a parental orgy. I picked up a zhu zhu pet that Kayla didn't have and while I was looking at it, some whore yanked it out of my hands and thundered off. I considered hurling something at her but decided against it. I walked up beside her, slapped her on the ass, and said, "I like that jiggle," before leaving the store completely. I wasn't sorry at all. I was sorry for the child of that horrifying weirdo.
Even though I assumed Wal-Mart would be a cluster eff, I went anyway. I really wanted to get the princess castle for Makayla that she wanted. I wondered if I would be willing to do what the butt flap at the toy store had done over the princess castle. I decided I would not. There is no way in hell I'd act uncivilized over a material possession. I had already told Makayla it was a very real possibility that she wouldn't be getting the princess castle until later after being told by a Toy's R Us associate "sorry ma'am, but there is no way you'll find one anytime soon here in Lubbock." I went into Wal-Mart and was not at all surprised to see that there were herds of people here too. Somehow the atmosphere wasn't as angry, which pleased me. I decided to bring my level of being alarmed down to just being cautious. I decided a sexual assault was probably unlikely here but was still prepared to defend myself against a possible physical attack. I went to the toy aisle and saw that most of the zhu zhu stuff was sold out. And then there was a glorious miracle because as I lurked away from the zhu zhu's, I saw a buttload of zhu zhu princess castles and castle accessories. I literally ran to them and forgot about being civilized because I hurled them into my basket while squealing happily and glared at the people around me who were giving me strange looks just DARING them to attempt to jack my little girl's zhu zhu pets princess castle and princess castle accessories. I considered growling for extra emphasis but decided it wasn't necessary because no one was interested in jacking my stuff. They were just trying to look subtle as they scrambled away from me. I decided to save my victory dance for when I got home and cheerfully went to look at Iron Man stuff. The first thing I saw was an Iron Man action hero and I didn't think Caleb had that one yet. I picked it up and was about to put it in my basket when a little squirt about Caleb's age said, "THERE IT IS MOMMY!" I was slightly startled at the kiddo because he was pointing directly at me. I turned around and didn't see anything out of the ordinary so I gave him a wink and started looking for more Iron Man stuff. I heard the mom say, "I'm sorry, honey, that was the last one. Maybe next time." It hit me that the squirt wanted the Iron Man I had. I looked at him and he looked like the entire world was going to end. When you're three, your favorite action hero is the center of your world. I remember. My life used to revolve around the Ninja Turtles. I gave it to him and was like, "oh I was just looking. Here ya go." The mommy looked relieved as hell and said, "THANK you. Thank you SO much. Tell the lady thank you." The kiddo was too busy squealing and being a happy camper. I was happy to have gotten my daily good deed out of the way so I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore and focused again on Iron Man stuff. I found an Iron Man helmet that talked and did all sorts of cool stuff. I immediately pondered getting two but decided it probably wouldn't fit over my very large melon head. I went around, getting other things I needed and marveled at the inconsiderate freaks. People just standing in the middle of the aisle with their baskets, yacking to one another as people waited to get by them. People walking so slowly that they seriously hindered the adventures of myself and others. People rudely racing past old ladies. My grandparent's are pretty old and I love them very much so when people do shitty things to old people it pisses me off and makes me wonder if people ever do stuff like that to my own grandpeople. I imagine if someone ever nearly made my grandma fall down because they were being a prick I'd probably lose my mind. Anyway, the synopsis of the story is that being in public right now is utterly insane and I found that blasted castle. Have a super day peeps!
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